Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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