Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Randomize