you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
