How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You are a genius and a whore.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
Randomize
