how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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