I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
3pm strippers are depressing
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
soo... how was my night?
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