You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
