4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
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