I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
Randomize
