Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
