I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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