I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
