i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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