i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
You should frame my arrest warrant.
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Randomize
