Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I don't know ur idea of a good first date but I'm pretty sure it shouldn't include him holding my hair while I puke in the street
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
