my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
