it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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