I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
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