its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
