is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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