Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
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