he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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