I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Randomize
