i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Randomize
