I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
