It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Randomize
