How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
