did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize