I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
