as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
Randomize
