woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
It's one of the few times I hit fuck it levels of not caring
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
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