but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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