I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Can I just skip the lesson I have planned for tomorrow and just teach my students about Prohibition using my impending hangover?
This is why american education is failing
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Randomize
