shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
