Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
