We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
literally hosing herself off in my back yard with the hose. i offered her the shower but she refused. that drunk.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
