Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
We have to have sex while I'm dressed as a tiger. It's one of my life goals
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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