Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
