is it bad that the economy has gotten so bad that finding cheap gas gives me the same excitement and joy as finding a hot, blonde haired, blue eyed, tall, athletic single straight guy?
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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