And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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