I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
Randomize
