The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Two kids are drinking pounders in class. I think I'm hanging out with the wrong group of friends.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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