I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Randomize
