Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(818): View more from California

we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....

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(909): View more from California

College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.

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(248): View more from Michigan

My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.

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(803): View more from South Carolina

just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car

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(734): View more from Michigan

Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.

(1-734): View more from Michigan

Haha did she know what fisting meant?

(734): View more from Michigan

Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself

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(520): View more from Arizona

He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.

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(902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.

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(847): View more from Illinois

You offered the police officer a Snickers ice cream bar and cried when he wouldn't take it...

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