Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
Matt just took me to visit my puke stain from 2 weeks ago at the train station...I'm fucking impressive
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Do you realize our room single-handedly hooked up with most of that wedding party last night?
Randomize
