ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
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