the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
