He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I have sent texts to the pizza delivery guy telling him he was beautiful. Oh and you almost got a ticket for pissing in public. And I smell like cheese.
Randomize
