69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
What can i say, inner beauty is great but it makes a hard picture to jack off to
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
Randomize
