just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
This is my gift to your gina
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
