they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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