her facebook's as public as her vagina
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I don't really know how to explain this place...it's like I feel like I need an std just to fit in
Regardless of the amount of alcohol you may consume tonight - DON'T take anybody home
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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