No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
Randomize
