I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
