Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
Randomize
