Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
