My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
i love accidental penises.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
19 People Did The Wildest Things When They Were Black-Out Drunk
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
21 Signs That A Dude is Probably Insane
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
woke up laying on an empty pizza box and some guy was doing blow off my butt...i guess i should thank you.
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.