Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I dont get chicks, its like they only care about themselves and money
sounds like you understand them just fine
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
that trick or treat candy bucket that we used to collect beer money last night was very helpful when I vomited in it this morning
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
So, I actually said the words "but face tattoos are sexy"