I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
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phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
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i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I'm not sure when I will get off this toilet at work but it's not looking promising
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.