Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
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I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
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I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Do you have feelings for this penis?