Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
27 Socially Expected Things That Are The Absolute Worst
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
These 21 People Are Related To Famous Celebrities
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Well. We had sex and then watched 6 episodes of Dateline NBC together; only breaking the silence to make disapproving noises at shotty police work. So basically yea I'm gonna marry him.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.