so explain again why im purple
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
23 People Confess Why They Don’t Talk To Their Best Friend Anymore
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
These 17 Delivery Dudes Suck At Their Jobs But Are Winning At Life
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.