yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
