yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
