Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
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