He felt like a one man threesome
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
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Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
We were destined to go to rehab together
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
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