You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
You forget how awesome toilet paper is until you have to wipe your ass with a piece of notebook paper...
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I came on her face and asked if she wanted fries with that. Currently driving to McDonald's.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
True college students do jello shots in the library
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