i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Randomize
