Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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