a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
