If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
