Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
My bed smells like the plague
I deserve this hangover.
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
