Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
Randomize
