According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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