I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
Is it sad that I have better conversations with his roommate before or after sex than I do with him in general?
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
Randomize
