That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Randomize
