remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
