open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
