he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
things I never thought I would say vol. 24 "Bagpipes just remind me that my relationship is over"
I totally almost forgot you fucked that guy. St. Patty's bar crawls always have a drawback.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
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