I just pynch a tree in the face
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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