I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
I googled "I hate my uterus" just to make sure I wasn't the only one.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Randomize
