i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Plus she can make a mean sandwich! That's all I really need. Well that and foot jobs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God and karma are having a fucking field day with my body today.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
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