She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
