You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
On the bright side since it was a Tuesday you weren't even in jail for the long! that could've been worse!
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
