new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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