he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
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