Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
