i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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