I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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