i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
